i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
