kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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