haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
