so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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