Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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