have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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