Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
