Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
