shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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