I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
