I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
