Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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