I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You ruined the universe
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
