he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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