im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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