i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
