My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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