If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize