i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
