Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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