this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
