Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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