I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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