Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
