I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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