He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
