pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
