dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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