I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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