did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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