my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
