Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You can't just leave with hair like that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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