Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
