my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
