i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
