We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
