he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
