Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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