Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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