I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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