and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
