i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
