i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
