my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
