I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
