I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
