Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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