Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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