definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
