life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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