what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
