i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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