i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
