So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
