Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
