I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
