Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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