Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
