We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
