If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
