Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
