When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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