i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
