I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
