if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
