Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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