i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
