If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
