just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
