Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
