I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
