if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
