I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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