when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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