I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
