We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
